zindagii

aaj andheraa meri nas nas meiN utar jaayegaa
aaNkheN bujh jaayeNgii, bujh jaayeNge ahsaas-o-shauur
aur ye sadiyoiN se jaltaa-saa sulagtaa-saa vajuud
isse pahle ki sahar maathe pe shabnam chhiRke
isse pahle ki merii beTii ke vah phuul se haath
garm rukhsaar ko ThanDak bakhsheN
isse pahle ke beTe kaa mazbuut badan
tan-e mafluuj meiN shaktii bhar de
isse pahle ki meii biiwii ke hoNt
mere hoNtoN kii tapish pii jaayeN
raakh ho jaayegaa jalte-jalte
aur phir raakh bhikhar jaayegii
zindagii kahne ko be-maayaaN sahii
gham kaa sarmaayaa sahii
maine iske liye kyaa-kyaa naa kiyaa
kabhii aasaanii se ik saaNs bhii yamraaj ko apnaa naa diyaa

aaj se pahle bahut pahle
isii aaNgan meiN
dhuup bhare daaman meiN
maeiN khaRaa thaa, mere talvoN se dhuuaaN uThtaa thaa
ek benaam saa berang saa khauf
kachche ahsaas pe chhayaa thaa ki jal jaauuNgaa
maeiN pighal jaauuNgaa
aur pighalkar meraa kamzor-saa "maeiN"
katraa-katraa tere maathe se Tapak jaayegaa
ro rahaa thaa ashkoN ke bagaer
chiikhtaa thaa magar aavaaz naa thii
maut lahraatii thii sau shakloN meiN
maene har shakl ko ghabraa ke khudaa maan liyaa
kaaT ke rakh diye saNdal ke purasraar darakht
aur pathar se niikaalaa sholaa
aur roshan kiyaa apne se baRaa ek alaav
jaanvar zibah kiye itne ki khuuN kii lahreN
paaNv se uThke kamar tak aayiiN
aur kamar se mere sar tak aayiiN

somras maene piyaa
raat-din raks kiyaa
naachte-naachte talve mere khuuN dene lage
mere aazaa kii thakan
ban gayii kaaNpte hotoN pe bhajan
haDDiyaaN merii chatkhane lagii iiNdhan kii tarah
mantr hoNtoN se Tapakne lage raugan kii tarah
"agnii maataa merii agnii maataa
suukhii lakRii ke ye bhaarii kunde
jo terii bheNt ko le aayaa huuN
unko svikkar kar aur aise dhadhak
ki machalte shole
khiiNch leN josh meiN
suraj kii sunharii julfeiN
aag meiN aag mile;
jo amar kar de mujhe
aesaa koii raag mile"
agnii maaN se bhii naa jiine kii sanad jab payii
zindagii ke naye imkaaN ne lii aNgRaaii
aur kaanoN meiN kahiiN duur se aawaaz aayii
budham sharnam gachchhaamii
dhamam sharnam gachchhaamii
sangham sharnam gachchhaamii
chaar abruu kaa safaayaa karke
besil'e vastr se dhaaNpaa ye badan
ponchh ke patnii ke maathe se damaktii biNdiyaaN
sot'e bachchoN ko binaa pyaar kiye
chal paRaa haath meiN kashkol liye

chahtaa thaa kahiiN bhiikshaa hii meiN jiivan mil jaaye
jo kabhii baNd naa ho, dil ko voh dhaRkan mil jaaye
mujhko bhiikshaa meiN magar zahar milaa
hoNt tharraane lage jaese kare koii gilaa
jhuk ke suulii se usii waqt kisii ne yeh kahaa
tere ek gaal pe jis pal koii thapaR maare
duusraa gaal bhii aage kar de
terii duniyaa meiN bahut hinsaa hae
iske siine meiN ahiiNsaaa bhar de
ki yeh jiine kaa tariqaa bhii hai, aNdaaz bhii hae
terii aawaaz bhii hae, merii aawaaz bhii hae
maeN uThaa jisko ahiNsaa kaa sabaq sikhlaane
mujhko laTkaa diyaa suulii pe usii duniyaa ne
aa rahaa thaa maeN kuuNchoN se Thokar khaakar
ek aawaaz ne rokaa mujhko
kisii miinaar se niiche aakar
allah-ho akbar, allah-ho akbar
huaa dil ko yeh gumaaN
ki yeh purjosh azaaN
maut se degii amaaN
phir tou pahuNchaa mae jahaaN
maene dohraayaa kuchh aese ye azaaN
guuNj uThaa saaraa jahaaN
allah-ho akbar, allah-ho akbar
usii aawaaz meiN ik aur bhii guuNjaa elaan
qull'e min alehaa faan
ek taraf dhal gayaa khurshiid-e-jahaaNtaab kaa sar
huaa faalij kaa asar
phat gayii nas koii, shiryaanoN meiN khuuN jam saa gayaa
ho gayaa zakhmii diimaag
aesaa lagtaa thaa ki bujh jaayegaa jaltaa hae jo sadiyoN se chiiraag
aaj andheraa meri nas nas meiN utar jaayegaa

yeh samandar jo baRii der se tuufaanii thaa
aesaa taRpaa ki mere kamre ke aNdar aayaa
aate-aate veh mere vaaste amrit laayaa
aur lahraa ke kahaa
shiv ne yeh bhijvaayaa hae, lo piyo aur jiyo
aaj shiv ilm hae, amrit hae amal
ab veh aasaaN hae dushvaar thaa kal
raat jo maut kaa paighaam liye aaii thii
biiwii bachchoN ne mere
usko khiRkii se par'e pheNk diiyaa
aur jo veh jahar kaa ik jaam liye aaii thii
usne veh khud hii piyaa
subah utrii jo samandar meiN nahaane ke liye
raat kii laash miilii paanii meiN

Life

Today darkness will descend into my pores.
Eyes will burn out, sense and sensibility will die
So will this existence, smouldering for centuries.
Before this that dawn sprinkles dew on my forehead
Before this that my daughter's flower-like hands
Bring cool relief to my fevered cheeks
Before this that my son's strong body
Fills strength into my paralysed body
Before this that my wife's lips
Drink up the heat of my lips
It will burn to ashes
And then the ashes will scatter
Life might be said to be nothing
And it might as well be nothing but suffering
But what all did I do for it!
Never easily gave even one breath of mine to death

Before today, long ago
In this very courtyard
Sun-skirted
I stood, smoke spiralling out of my soles
A nameless, formless fear
Spread over my raw feelings that I would burn
I would melt
And melted, my weak sense of self
Would drip-drop down from my forehead
I was crying but without tears
Screamed, but there was no voice
Death undulated with a hundred faces
Frightened, I accepted each face as God
Chopped off the mysterious Sandalwood trees
And pulled out a flame from the stones
And lit up a fire larger than myself
Sacrificed so many animals that waves of blood
Rose from the feet to the waist
And from the waist to my head

I drank ambrosia
Danced night and day
Dancing, my soles spewed out blood
The tiredness of my limbs
Became a prayer on trembling lips
My bones crackled like burning wood
Mantras slipped oil-like out of my lips:
"Fire-mother, my fire-mother
These heavy blocks of dried wood
That I have brought as an offering for you
Please accept these and blaze such
That wayward flames
In arduous excitement, pull in
The Sun's golden tresses
Fire meeting with fire;
That which makes me immortal
Such passion may I find"
When I did not find such a grant of life from the fire-mother either
A new possibility of life stretched out
And from somewhere in the distance came a voice to the ears
"I go for refuge to Buddha,
I go for refuge to the Wheel of Law,
I go for refuge to the Sangha"

Shaving off eyebrows
Covering this body with unstitched clothes
Wiping off the shining bindiya from the forehead of wife
Without giving love to my sleeping children
Started out with a begging bowl in my hands
Wished somewhere to find life in begging itself
And, for the heart, a beat that would never stop
But as alms, I got poison
Lips trembled, as if someone making a complaint
At that very moment, someone, bending down from the gallows, said:
The moment someone slaps you on one cheek
Turn the other cheek, too
There is too much violence in your world
Fill up his heart with non-violence
That this too is a way of life, a manner too
It is your voice too, as well as mine
Those to whom I got up to teach the lesson of non-violence to
Were the ones who hung me on the stake
I was returning, kicked around from many lanes
When a voice stopped me
Descended down from a minaret:
God is the greatest! God is the greatest!
The heart felt this notion
That this resounding call
Will protect from death
After that wherever I reached
I repeated this call somewhat thus
That the whole world resounded:
God is the greatest! God is the greatest!
In this call itself, one more announcement echoed
'Everything must perish'
On one side set the Sun that warms the world
Paralysis had its effect
A vein burst, blood, as if, froze in the arteries
The mind got wounded
It seemed as if the lamp lit since centuries, would burn out
Today darkness will descend into my pores.

This ocean that was stormy for long
Turned so agitatedly that it came into my room
While coming, it brought me ambrosia
And it swayed and said
Shiva has sent this, take this, drink and live
Today Shiva is knowledge, immortality is safety
Now it is easy that which was difficult yesterday
Night that had brought the message of death
My wife and kids
Flung it away out of the window
And the cup of poison it had brought
That it drank itself
In the morning when it descended into the ocean to bathe
The corpse of the night was found in the water.

(Pathetic, hurried, literal, klutzy translation and transliteration by Sundeep Dougal. Please feel freeto mail criticism and corrections.)