Dear, dear Manojji made such wonderful films on our own culture, tradition and patriotism. His women made unforgettable bharatiya naris, one could not even say rape, molestation or outraged modesty in their presence. Manojji called himself Bharat in his films and as mentioned by our kulguru, Mohan Bhagwatji, there was no rape in this Bharat. Those happened only in India.
We in the BJP-RSS are certain Manojji will agree to our request and remake the film Dus Numbri, which will be based on my immortal statement, “Ek sar ke badle dus”. In his glittering career, Manojji did make a routine crime thriller, Dus Numbri, but this one will be oozing patriotism, valour and our great culture besides some chopped off heads. At a time when Indian heads and Indian women are not safe even on our roads or homes, our film’s theme will be women’s honour and safer heads. All Manojji has to do is direct in his inimitable manner. Everything else is ready.
An allegory loaded with symbolism, a legend transformed into modern India, our Dus Numbri will have a modern Sita abducted by a new 10-headed devil, Nadir Timur Ghazni Ghori Babur Aurangzeb Jinnah Ayub Zia Kayani, and held captive in an impregnable fortress across the LoC. There are no monkey armies here —our modern Sita, symbol of bharatiya nari valour, defeats the devil herself, cuts off his heads one by one and returns home in triumph. The deaths and mutilation of our two jawans are avenged.
Of course, such a Sita will never be glamorous or perform item numbers. She will be a symbol of courage, sacrifice, patriotism and, of course, thirsting for revenge. Now who could do justice to this role? Well, who else but me? Has anyone forgotten my eloquence and defiance in the Lok Sabha, my dance poses and other histrionics at Raj Ghat, my dialogues brimming with fire (“if Sonia Gandhi becomes prime minister, I will shave my head, wear white, sleep on the floor and eat only chana”). I am certain Manojji is also aware of this. I shall star in the lead role and return in triumph to India holding all 10 sars.
And look at the talent ready to help me. Fiery dialogues penned by Arnab Goswami, Rajdeep Sardesai and Meenakshi Lekhi, sound effects by Arnab (characters will not talk but only scream), lyrics and music by the entire RSS team and so on. Even Rajnikant has agreed to come onboard, teach me fencing. Enough is enough. The enemy has to be taught a lesson. They do not even have a film industry to talk about and then they create such mischief. Unless we show the enemy we are ready with our new approach, ek sar ke badle mein dus, their atrocities will not stop! (In the process, if our film terrifies the new crown prince Rahul Gandhi, that will be a bonus.)
The Mumbai-based satirist is the creator of ‘Trishanku’; E-mail your secret diarist: vgangadhar70 AT gmail.com