Thursday 27 October 2016

Sharmila Tagore

I wish we had not instituted the Pataudi trophy. These blokes are scared of fast bowling and cannot even catch a cold in the slips.
Illustration by Saahil

Hectic activity, both on the cricket and the film front. What a thrashing for the Indian team in England. I wish we had not instituted the Pataudi trophy. These blokes are scared of fast bowling and cannot even catch a cold in the slips. ‘Tiger’ could blast fast bowlers with just one eye. The super-rich Dhoni and his gang, well protected in knight-like armour, can only poke and prod outside their off stumps and get out. Batting and slip fielding was a tragi-comedy.

Some lessons for the BCCI. Alastair Cook thanked his wife in public for standing by him, urging him not to quit and fight back. That was real courage. Where was Sakshi? In the malls buying up everything while MSD was dropping catches and propping up idiots like that Jadeja guy who only deserved the ‘Mooch-Twirler Award’! I am told Anushka was making Virat run around the trees trying to catch her in the English gardens till he had no stamina left. ‘Tiger’ would not have tolerated such nonsense. And what is that Ravi Shastri going to do with the fancy title of ‘Director’ besides being in every single BCCI pie? He is more adept in coloured clothing and at ‘night games’. Once he asked me to get him a role in Hindi films, he would play only the hero and fire tracer bullets. I agree he would have made a nice pillar in a Roman amphitheatre movie set. This was not the cricket Tiger played


Cricket shock and then the Rakesh Kumar shock. I had warned Leela Samson about this appointment. A bureaucrat with the railways heading the CBFC and okaying the release of films! Come on, yaar, at an earlier meeting he came with a whistle and two flags, one green and other red. Those Railway habits die hard. He loved being called ‘Chook Chook Kumar’. Today, his home and bank lockers are found loaded with money and Kumar was heard telling his wife he had only copied scenes from Hindi films. What cheek! He says he was actually encouraging the industry to make more money; Kumar was all for equitable distribution of wealth. If the Khans, Devgan and Kapoor raised their rates and made crores, why can’t the Censor Board CEO share the loot? Cricket and the film industry have so many things in common. Both are dealing in billions. My sources in the BCCI tell me that Srini and the other office-bearers are quite impressed with Kumar and once he comes out on bail they might offer him a fabulous salary and perks to make him the BCCI finance director.

The Mumbai-based satirist is the creator of ‘Trishanku’; E-mail your secret diarist: vgangadhar70 [AT] gmail [DOT] com

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