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Opposites Attract

From Confessions of a celibate sadhu to 5 sites for men

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Opposites Attract
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Confessions Of A Celibate Sadhu

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Every Sunday, Ma would take me to visit Chacha’s ashram. He had sacrificed his family and my overbearing father to find the road to salvation. Shiva was his god of choice, my mother told me when I was seven. He would wake up in the middle of the night and smear himself in ash and then dance around the house in a loincloth. But whenever I saw him on Sundays, he would look more like Krishna. His women devotees would stare at him longingly, and hang on to his every word. God is a good profession, I told myself. So when I was 17, I decided to walk in his footsteps, enter the family business. I went to Chacha for tips but he just said—good happens to the good. I started climbing up the nirvana ladder from the bottom. Then one day I painted my forehead with sandalwood paste and told the people that faith is all about believing that you will get all that you need. Now I have my own ashram and 26 devotees, of which 10 are women. They like singing and dancing. I sometimes join them and it’s good fun. My latest one-liner—In His eyes, there is no good and evil—has become quite popular. I want my own TV show, where I can remind the world that good only ever happens to those who wait and stay celibate.

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Pop Research

Fact

  • Women are inherently modest beings: Researchers at University College, London, believe that women are likely to lie and say ‘No’ when asked if they can multiply 13 and 12. Men say ‘Yes’ and then add the numbers instead.

Fiction

  • Women are smarter than men After scrutinising aptitude tests taken by 1,00,000 students, the University of Western Ontario concluded that the IQ of men is almost four times higher than that of women.
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“I will take questions from the guys but from the girls I want telephone numbers.”

—Silvio Berlusconi, the 72-year-old scandalous Italian Prime Minister, playing along at a youth rally in Rome.

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“It’s only stalking if the other person doesn’t like it.”

—Andy Roddick, tennis star, on pursuing his swimsuit-model bride Brooklyn Decker during their courtship.

5 Sites For Men

  • www.PMSBuddy.com Committed to saving relationships one month at a time, PMSBuddy is a warning system that helps you survive the cantankerous monster that comes alive at that time of the month.
  • www.streetetiqute.com The place to go when you want to avoid that major fashion faux pas. Delivered from the Bronx, it tells you how manly your man bag is. Here’s where high fashion meets the street.
  • www.adoniseffect.com Tell them how and where your waistline stands and get those perfect biceps measurement. Also learn how to lower another man’s testosterone levels by just walking into a room
  • www.facebook.com/pages/Savita-Bhabhi/19710074981 Become a Savita Bhabhi fan on Facebook, get to see her shenanigans (which the regime doesn’t want you to see). Raise the banner against autocracy.
  • www.askmen.com Rather than subjecting yourself to Victorias who refuse to share their secrets, log on to have men tell you when third base is better than second. The perfect online lad mag.

Jab We Met

China and India have been involved in a strange competition of late—who can come up with the male contraceptive jab sooner. IIT Kharagpur is claiming victory, but after successful tests on 100 men, a certain Dr Gu is making headlines. The idea is simple—Men will have to take shots in their bum to ensure that their women don’t have to pop those pills.

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