Friday 26 August 2016
facebook.com/Outlookindia twitter.com/outlookindia digimag.outlookindia.com instagram.com/outlookindia youtube.com/user/OutlookMagazine
12 August 2013 National The Secret Diary of

Chandan Mitra

Life would be much more pleasant if all these Nobel laureates and Bharat Ratnas knew where to stop
Illustration by Sorit

Best way to get rid of impotent fury is to sweat it out. Didn’t work in this case though. For four hours I watched a video of the TV epic Mahabharat, focusing on where the Kauravas led by Dusshasana try in vain to strip Draupadi. Ha, couldn’t even manage this simple job. I wouldn’t be watching this but the US embassy didn’t have a single DVD of Gypsy Rose Lee, the famous stripper who called herself a ‘burlesque entertainer’, somewhat like what I do on my daily TV appearances. So why this obsession with stripping, you ask? Because that is what I had planned for that alleged economist, Amartya Sen, who rejected our beloved Narendra Modi as a possible next Indian prime minister. So what if Sen was a Nobel laureate? These days anyone can get it. I will recognise the Nobel only after its committee institutes a prize for development and hands one to NaMo.

Advertisement

Yes, it’s true I went on repeating that Sen should be stripped of his Bharat Ratna. In my sound and fury, which signified nothing, I clean forgot that the NDA under Atalji had presented Sen with this award. Bloomers always happen to regular BJP spokespersons on TV like myself.

At this moment, let me take a time-out, remember my Tennyson, and sing a dirge for us saffron spokespersons....

Nonsense to the right of Nirmala
Nonsense to the left of  Meenakshi.
Nonsense behind Smriti, someone has blundered
As usual it was I, on the cursed Sen!

But then the party did not agree with me and distanced itself from my remarks. Nirmala made the announcement, though in private they all congratulated me. I must appreciate the ‘highly cultured’ BJP cadre, though, who never let the party down. Our brave warriors went hammer and tongs at Sen’s daughter, digging up a bikini-clad pic, purportedly of hers, rounding off the whole thing with a nice, abusive caption. So long as the BJP flaunts such bravehearts, Hindu culture is safe. Of course, I condemned their action on TV but if you watch me closely, you might have detected that twinkle in my eye!

Life would be much more pleasant if all these Nobel laureates and Bharat Ratnas knew where to stop. Many people in my cultured party have pointed out that Sen was a Congress-type of economist clinging to old-fashioned theories unlike our young and vigorous Advaniji who is full of youthful zest, even today. Our leader is even today ready to advise NaMo on how to bag the ‘Peace Nobel’. Maybe it can even be presented to him at one of his favourite places in Gujarat, Naroda Patiya.


The Mumbai-based satirist is the creator of ‘Trishanku’; E-mail your secret diarist: vgangadhar70 AT gmail.com

READ MORE IN:
AUTHORS: V. Gangadhar
PEOPLE: Chandan Mitra
SECTION: National
SUBSECTION: Secret Diary
OUTLOOK: 12 August, 2013
Download the Outlook ​Magazines App. Six magazines, wherever you go! Play Store and App Store

Post a Comment

You are not logged in, please Log in or Register
  • Daily Mail
THE LATEST ISSUE
CLICK IMAGE FOR CONTENTS
OUTLOOK ON TWITTER
POLLS

Finally, political parties came together to pass the Goods and Services Tax in the Rajya Sabha. The much-vaunted tax reform is said to have turned India into one common market. It is said that the GST will replace more than 15 state and federal taxes. So will GST lead to #AchcheDin?

POLL STARTED ON: Aug 04, 2016
Quiz
Brazil’s Rio de Janeiro is hosting the 31st Olympic Games from August 5 to 21. This is the first Olympics being held in South America and is going on even as a majority Brazilians are unhappy with their rulers. Here’s a quiz on some random Olympic facts and related trivia.
QUIZ STARTED ON: Aug 11, 2016
Advertisement