Swarna Chalasani was the quintessential work-hard-play-hard New Yorker. Somehow she
managed to squeeze extensive travel and humanitarian pursuits into her 80-100 hour
workweeks at the Fiduciary Trust International, where she was a research analyst. If she
wasn’t jaunting off to Thailand or rafting in whitewater rapids, she was counselling
victims of domestic abuse or teaching English at Hunter College.
But for her mother, Lakshmi, sitting in her son Rao’s Manhattan apartment, the
conversation repeatedly returns to a maroon silk sari. Lakshmi bought the sari on a trip
to Madras, thinking it would be ideal in the event of her daughter meeting a prospective
groom. Maroon was her daughter’s favourite colour. Lakshmi was extremely careful
about not buying anything too heavy, knowing fully well how her 33-year-old daughter would
respond to it.
When Lakshmi returned to New York, she called up Swarna and described the colour, the
border and the design of the sari. "She thought it was much better than those zari
saris," says Lakshmi, as her son sits nearby. "She was very good at wearing
saris. She carried herself very well, though she didn’t have many chances."
The doorbell rings. It’s Swarna’s sister, Sandhya. She considers joining her
mother and brother in the discussion, but on second thoughts, moves silently into the
bedroom. "Anytime the family’s together, it’s painful," says Rao.
He speaks at length about the madness of terrorism, and the government’s equal
absurdity of responding to violence with violence. He and his family struggled, he says,
to find comfort together, considering that they had to perform Swarna’s last rites
with just one bone. Perhaps, he feels, there is merit in the trillion-dollar lawsuit filed
by the families of some victims against the members of the Saudi royal family.
As a teacher in Queens, Lakshmi found occasional relief in her work, but this being the
summer break, too much free time brings back dark memories. "If I sleep, I wake up in
two minutes because I feel guilty at not thinking about her," she confesses. Dreams
about Swarna frequently invade her sleep. In one, Lakshmi can’t tell whether
it’s night or day. In another, she speaks to Swarna over the phone. And Swarna tells
her that she’s fine, and that she can hear everything going through her mother’s
mind.
A week after the towers fell, Lakshmi was ferreting through Swarna’s apartment in
Jersey City, New Jersey, when she came across a greeting card. No one knows whether Swarna
had bought it or received it, as it remains unsigned, but they like to believe those were
her last words to the family. The card shows a young lady with a suitcase in each hand,
and on the back, a small airplane flying over a hill. The card reads:
I am safe. It’s only change.
I cross all bridges with ease and joy.
The old unfolds into wonderful new experiences.
My life gets better all the time.