Hectic days. Finished my bath, applied tilak on forehead, recited Gayatri mantra, Vishnu sahasranamam and other prayers, did nine sashtanga namaskarams before my various idols, including the newly installed Lord Karunanidhi and Goddess Jaya Amma. I need their blessings for the next two months for my beloved IPL and I think I have got it. In fact, it was a double blessing, we had to ban the Sri Lankan players registered with IPL teams playing in Chennai and that should make our job of winning the tournament easier. True, we cannot play our own two Lankans, but anyway they are not in the class of Sangakkara or Malinga. We gained everything and lost nothing.
From the age of 6 when my paati (granny) told me stories from the Ramayana, I never liked the Lankans. To have a king with 10 heads and 20 hands (how would he have played cricket!) and his brother who slept for months together...awful, aren’t they? I know there was a time when Dravidians worshipped Ravana, but then it was before the IPL days and it does not count. Even today, one of the militant Sri Lankan organisations calls itself ‘Ravana Sena’. These guys never change and that was why I was quite upset when that chucker, Muralitharan, fell in love and married a Chennai girl. A blot on the fair name of the city, I say.
There is not much time left but I will try my best to keep more outstanding cricketers out of the IPL. How about a rumour about local West Indians attacking a masala dosa joint in Kingston and abusing Tirukkural as second-rate. This should get the various ‘katchis’ and ‘kazhagams’ sufficiently worked up, maybe we can even demand that Chris Gayle not be allowed to play in Chennai. That should take care of the Royal Challengers. We could then turn to our Tamil friends all over South Africa, get them out doing anti-racism morchas, and maybe it’ll all snowball into another major protest and then we can ban the Proteas boys. That would mean no A.B. De Villiers, no Dale Steyn, no Kallis though we could lose Albie Morkel who is in good form. No matter, I’ll give him one of those imported ‘duty-free’ luxury cars which I keep hidden away for such occasions. Guess this’ll be a job for M.S. Dhoni, my new V-P at India Cements.
Some silly Mumbai politicians protested that IPL should be banned in the state because we use up 6,00,000 litres of water to maintain our cricket pitches and outfields. Idiots, don’t they know that the IPL used only champagne on all occasions and, if need be, we shall use it for our cricket pitches and grounds too. People should think before they attack us. Om...Om...Om...Om...Muthuvel, Om Jaya Mata, Om Prabhakaran. Thou shalt protect our great IPL.
The Mumbai-based satirist is the creator of ‘Trishanku’; E-mail your secret diarist: vgangadhar70 AT gmail.com
Thank you to all those who have taken the trouble to read the article and share their thoughts. Out of the arguments made here, there are two that perhaps need answering. So here they go.
1. The first part of the article compares outcomes (relative percentages of population of the religions concerned) irrespective of the process that led to those outcomes - whether immigration, relatively faster population growth or conversions. This was for two reasons. One, to put the figure of 2.3 per cent in "numerical perspective", as the article itself explained. The second reason was that outcomes are ultimately what the crux of debate is about. The rest of the article in any case dealt with process - or conversions in this case, from both a contemporary and historical perspective.
2. Some commenters have tried to cast doubts on the reliability of Census 2001. Those who do this should bear in mind that Census 2001 was conducted by a BJP government. Considering the extreme importance that BJP gives to this issue, it would be reasonable to expect that IF it had perceived a problem with the methodology that was distorting the numbers, it would have fixed it. As the article mentioned, BJP or BJP-supported governments have been in power for 10 of the last 40 years, or about a quarter of the time, and the only reasonable conclusion one can arrive at is that any misreporting of numbers, real or perceived, would be marginal and hence, not of importance.
To all other arguments made, my answer is the following: Please read the article again, with particular focus on the quotations of Vivekananda and Monier Williams, and the history of the missionary efforts in Bengal and their outcome.
whoeever talked about secession now? and if we were to hold a referendum in tamil nadu about secession, a overwhelming majority will vote against it.
now that you brought up secession, why is india (or those liars in Delhi) so defensive about this? why dont we debate about a provision in the constitution providing for a referendum for secession based on stringent conditions. then the union government will be more accountable and take views of common man into consideration and stop behaving like the british raj times. eg of british raj - Jagmohan is in jail for nearly a year- Robert vadra is a free man. both did exactly the same thing.
Thanks for your post #5. I had written earlier that Tamil eelam was not in India's interests as there was a strong secessionist movement in Tamil Nadu.
Your post only serves to prove my point.
Sonia nurtures a silent vengeance towards all the SL tamils. Especially males ( she has forgiven the female slayer )
That is the only likely explanation.
Bonito, - immense harm? name one please. The shortest distance from tamil nadu to Pak border is about 2000 kms. Most pakistanis may not even know tamil nadu exists. Lanka has killed 600 fishermen (Indians apparently) and 100000tamils and is that not enough to call them atleast unfriendly neighbours?If you want tamil nadu to identify itself with parts of India which believes that pakistan is enemy nation, is it not acceptable for tamils to expect the rest of India to identify with themselves with us in believing lanka is an enemy nation?.
speaking for myself - can I please refer you to vikatan who have published a series of surveys for several years, last one being a few weeks ago and more than 60% of respondents will identify with views similar to mine. Democracy eh?
2 D Sridhar,
Completely agree with you about the confused policy making by the central government.
Unfortunately, OLI, as a policy uses this column to character assassinate anyone they cannot otherwise silence.
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