Dear, dear Manojji made such wonderful films on our own culture, tradition and patriotism. His women made unforgettable bharatiya naris, one could not even say rape, molestation or outraged modesty in their presence. Manojji called himself Bharat in his films and as mentioned by our kulguru, Mohan Bhagwatji, there was no rape in this Bharat. Those happened only in India.
We in the BJP-RSS are certain Manojji will agree to our request and remake the film Dus Numbri, which will be based on my immortal statement, “Ek sar ke badle dus”. In his glittering career, Manojji did make a routine crime thriller, Dus Numbri, but this one will be oozing patriotism, valour and our great culture besides some chopped off heads. At a time when Indian heads and Indian women are not safe even on our roads or homes, our film’s theme will be women’s honour and safer heads. All Manojji has to do is direct in his inimitable manner. Everything else is ready.
An allegory loaded with symbolism, a legend transformed into modern India, our Dus Numbri will have a modern Sita abducted by a new 10-headed devil, Nadir Timur Ghazni Ghori Babur Aurangzeb Jinnah Ayub Zia Kayani, and held captive in an impregnable fortress across the LoC. There are no monkey armies here —our modern Sita, symbol of bharatiya nari valour, defeats the devil herself, cuts off his heads one by one and returns home in triumph. The deaths and mutilation of our two jawans are avenged.
Of course, such a Sita will never be glamorous or perform item numbers. She will be a symbol of courage, sacrifice, patriotism and, of course, thirsting for revenge. Now who could do justice to this role? Well, who else but me? Has anyone forgotten my eloquence and defiance in the Lok Sabha, my dance poses and other histrionics at Raj Ghat, my dialogues brimming with fire (“if Sonia Gandhi becomes prime minister, I will shave my head, wear white, sleep on the floor and eat only chana”). I am certain Manojji is also aware of this. I shall star in the lead role and return in triumph to India holding all 10 sars.
And look at the talent ready to help me. Fiery dialogues penned by Arnab Goswami, Rajdeep Sardesai and Meenakshi Lekhi, sound effects by Arnab (characters will not talk but only scream), lyrics and music by the entire RSS team and so on. Even Rajnikant has agreed to come onboard, teach me fencing. Enough is enough. The enemy has to be taught a lesson. They do not even have a film industry to talk about and then they create such mischief. Unless we show the enemy we are ready with our new approach, ek sar ke badle mein dus, their atrocities will not stop! (In the process, if our film terrifies the new crown prince Rahul Gandhi, that will be a bonus.)
The Mumbai-based satirist is the creator of ‘Trishanku’; E-mail your secret diarist: vgangadhar70 AT gmail.com
Thank you to all those who have taken the trouble to read the article and share their thoughts. Out of the arguments made here, there are two that perhaps need answering. So here they go.
1. The first part of the article compares outcomes (relative percentages of population of the religions concerned) irrespective of the process that led to those outcomes - whether immigration, relatively faster population growth or conversions. This was for two reasons. One, to put the figure of 2.3 per cent in "numerical perspective", as the article itself explained. The second reason was that outcomes are ultimately what the crux of debate is about. The rest of the article in any case dealt with process - or conversions in this case, from both a contemporary and historical perspective.
2. Some commenters have tried to cast doubts on the reliability of Census 2001. Those who do this should bear in mind that Census 2001 was conducted by a BJP government. Considering the extreme importance that BJP gives to this issue, it would be reasonable to expect that IF it had perceived a problem with the methodology that was distorting the numbers, it would have fixed it. As the article mentioned, BJP or BJP-supported governments have been in power for 10 of the last 40 years, or about a quarter of the time, and the only reasonable conclusion one can arrive at is that any misreporting of numbers, real or perceived, would be marginal and hence, not of importance.
To all other arguments made, my answer is the following: Please read the article again, with particular focus on the quotations of Vivekananda and Monier Williams, and the history of the missionary efforts in Bengal and their outcome.
Sushma Swaraj is a typical product of RSS Shakas (a.k.a indigenous terror camps) - brainwashed, nonsensical, inarticulate, mindless and more importantly and most certainly a 'fascist'.
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