Money is tight so I’d better finish this secret diary quick, make it salacious enough and get some publishers interested. I can’t splurge as in the past. People feel the royals spend too much and the zombies in Parliament want to investigate our finances. What a comedown, in the past we could have sent them to the tower and chopped off their heads. Personally speaking, I don’t know what numerals followed my name ( II, III, IV or V) but I am a great admirer of one of my ancestors, Henry V, who won a great battle against the French at Agincourt which made that bloke Shakespeare write the play, Henry V. It was full of thou, thee, hark and so on, made a superman out of dear old Henry (but in school I could hardly make anything out of it.)
I envy those times. Princes ate well without bothering about their weight, laid any wenches they chose, hunted whatever they wanted and got immortalised in the pages of that Shakespeare bloke. Henry V must have had a great time at Agincourt, cutting off French heads. Much better than the one I had inside a helicopter gunship bringing down those bloody Afghan men, women and kids (that was great fun!). It was so much like my favourite video games where I went bang-bang all the time. I mentioned this in public but the Afghan old boy, Hamid Karzai, was a good sport. Boys will be boys, royal boys only better, was his response and that was because he was a great friend and admirer of Pappy (Prince Charles). First time I came to know Pappy had a friend and an admirer.
Most princely duties are quite awesome. At Perth recently, I had to oblige some friends by shedding my clothes and dancing with a mask, holding a glass of beer in one hand. The royal equipment was much admired though brother Bill, now respectably married with another royal on the way, warned me not to put it down in my CV. Yes, I know we always make news. Sometimes I wonder why people don’t leave us alone? Noseyparkers recently dug up some remains, claimed they belonged to another ancestor, Richard III. They pointed out that the face had a prominent chin and a slightly arched nose and closely resembled the paintings of the ancestor.
Sometimes, this stuff is quite disturbing. After watching Jurassic Park 28 times I wondered if royal remains could be cloned to create another Richard III. Would he then lay claim to the throne? One thing’s certain. Richard III might have been a nasty bit of work but I don’t think even he can get granny Queen Elizabeth to abdicate. Pappy’s been trying for decades but still hasn’t got anywhere.
The Mumbai-based satirist is the creator of ‘Trishanku’; E-mail your secret diarist: vgangadhar70 AT gmail.com
Thank you to all those who have taken the trouble to read the article and share their thoughts. Out of the arguments made here, there are two that perhaps need answering. So here they go.
1. The first part of the article compares outcomes (relative percentages of population of the religions concerned) irrespective of the process that led to those outcomes - whether immigration, relatively faster population growth or conversions. This was for two reasons. One, to put the figure of 2.3 per cent in "numerical perspective", as the article itself explained. The second reason was that outcomes are ultimately what the crux of debate is about. The rest of the article in any case dealt with process - or conversions in this case, from both a contemporary and historical perspective.
2. Some commenters have tried to cast doubts on the reliability of Census 2001. Those who do this should bear in mind that Census 2001 was conducted by a BJP government. Considering the extreme importance that BJP gives to this issue, it would be reasonable to expect that IF it had perceived a problem with the methodology that was distorting the numbers, it would have fixed it. As the article mentioned, BJP or BJP-supported governments have been in power for 10 of the last 40 years, or about a quarter of the time, and the only reasonable conclusion one can arrive at is that any misreporting of numbers, real or perceived, would be marginal and hence, not of importance.
To all other arguments made, my answer is the following: Please read the article again, with particular focus on the quotations of Vivekananda and Monier Williams, and the history of the missionary efforts in Bengal and their outcome.
One secret stint in Af-pak after one Orgy in Vegas to wash away the negative publicity : )
The man looks really really good. I really admire the way he looks happily self deprecating near the Duke of Cambridge, and the Dutchess. I would have happily abdicated in favour of him.
The media seems particular on picking people of a particular gender, to ridicule.
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