‘Those who form governments can also pull them down,’ goes an old jungle saying in our Bellary
‘Those who form governments can also pull them down,’ goes an old jungle saying in our Bellary. Karnataka chief minister B.S. Yediyurappa will learn this the hard way. We, the Reddy brothers Karunakar, Somashekhar and Janardhan, have been keeping a close tab on the CM ever since he referred to us in a private conversation as the Rascal Brothers. Such cheek, and after we helped him form the government by buying up opposition MLAs! Anyway, to get to the point, ever since we put Yeddygaru on the watchlist, we have been greatly helped by our friend in Andhra Pradesh, Jaganmohan (another Reddy!) who introduced us to a private detective agency (Murugan and Sawhney) which specialises in shadowing total strangers, hiding in defunct mines, tapping phones and leaking the laundry list of VIPs to the media. Well, operatives from this remarkable agency bugged the CM’s phone and some of the conversations he had with his confidante and cabinet colleague Shobha Karandlaje, were revealing. “I am readddy, you know, R-E-A-D-Y to fix them. I am always ever readddy. Yeddy is no Teddy and will teach those rakshas brothers who is the boss.” The transcripts with a detailed analysis, running into a 100 pages of Muru & Saw stationery, convinced us we had to act.
Here again, Jagan came to our help. Two former CIA agents (hired by him at a discount sale in Walmart) set up a war room in Bellary behind an unused quarry. The operation was codenamed Topple (and since the ex-Langley men communicated in sign language, the state cid didn’t have a clue). Anyway, Plan A was ‘Buy them (BJP MLAs) and fly them away’. Plan B ‘Kidnap/force them to cooperate’. For this part of the operation, the cowboys had roped in a hypnotist from Kerala who’s toppled several governments in Latin America. Just in case, the ‘package’ also included a waterboarding DVD the CIA employs to ‘win over friends and influence people’.
Luckily, we never had to resort to Plan B, although it may come in handy in the future. But what about the money for the payoff under Plan A? Well, we devised a novel strategy—we would pay the mlas in monopoly money now—and the equivalent in dollars would be later transferred to their Swiss accounts. This way, even if someone was caught with a sackful of ‘notes’, the police would find it difficult to file a case. Of course, organising 100 sackloads was difficult but a toy store in Bangalore and some schoolchildren bailed us out. Their contribution will long be remembered in the Reddy Republic. Finally, the BJP high command’s reaction to Operation Topple has disappointed us. Well, there was secret admiration for us (was our mentor Sushma Swarajji impressed?). In fact, one BJP leader told us our strategy must be replicated by the party. Meanwhile, there are feelers from Deve Gowda’s camp. Apparently, they too want some monopoly money....
(as imagined by Ajith Pillai)